Being unrealistic

September 13, 2008

We received a comment on the blog today that prompted this post – “being unrealistic”.  I don’t want any of our readers out there thinking that Jeff and I aren’t totally over-the-moon crazy happy about being pregnant with twins, because that is about the furthest thing from reality.  It’s just 100% impossible to be over-the-moon crazy happy about it all.the.time.  I’m sorry to disappoint, but it’s true.

Think about those people who are professional clowns.  They entertain at children’s birthday parties, they go to retirement homes, and their job in life is making people smile and laugh.  Do you honestly think that they live every single day of their life in their clown roles, being over-the-top happy and jolly 365 days a year?  Probably not.  Now think about psychotherapists.  They spend their days helping others deal with their problems, no matter how big, or how small.  Do you think they live every day of their life having no issues themselves?  Yeah, same answer.

I feel the same way with being pregnant.  Do I feel lucky every single day that this IVF worked and we are being blessed with not only one, but two children?  You bet I do!  Do I feel despair or sadness some days when I have to use all of my concentration not to throw up or feel sorry for myself that I’m feeling so crummy?  Yep.  Like I said above, it’s 100% impossible to feel cheery and ecstatic every single minute of every single day.  And trust me when I tell you that feeling anything other than cheery and ecstatic can send an infertile person into a tailspin of emotions.

I used to get so pissed at friends and acquaintances who would complain about their pregnancies or kids, thinking to myself “just be thankful you aren’t in my shoes, you ungrateful bitch” .  Looking back, I know I said that out of jealousy and anger at Jeff and I’s situation, and that’s not fair.  One cannot expect others’ lives to be perfect and stress-free just because certain things seem to come easier for them than for oneself.  Again, unrealistic.  I think infertiles expect that when they finally get pregnant, everything will be as it should.  Rainbows and sunshine will exude out of us, and we will be the most radiant, beautiful, un-stressed we have ever been.  I wish!

I know that I have two little reasons to be thankful, but being pregnant so far has been hard.  Really hard.  It’s been a thousand percent worth it, but it certainly hasn’t been easy (and it has only been 8 weeks).  I have never been so tired and sick in my entire life.  I never thought I would waste an entire Saturday morning and afternoon sleeping because I felt too crappy to do anything else.  I never thought I would cry the whole time I was showering because I was so nauseous I could barely stand up on my own.  And I certainly never thought that I would lie awake at night worrying about how my lack of appetite could be detrimental to me or the babies’ lives.

That said, Jeff and I say something almost every single day about how incredibly lucky we are that this worked.  We know that.  We also know that we (have and) are going to hit speed bumps along this journey, and there’s really nothing we can do to avoid that.  I know for certain that both of us are going to be the best parents we can be to these two little ones in my tummy, and that we are a stronger couple for having gone through all we have to get to this point.  Just please, please, please don’t expect us to be sunshine and roses all the time, because that just isn’t going to happen.  If that disappoints you to the point that you don’t feel like you can read our blog anymore, I totally understand, and wish you all the best.


8 Responses to “Being unrealistic”

  1. Felicia said

    Amen, sister! I am with you 100%. Even after three miscarriages, I feel the same way. Pregnancy is an incredible blessing, for which I am thankful every second, but it is HARD physically and emotionally.

    And I also want to say, kudos to you for admitting that you (previously) might not have thought the nicest thing in the world about other people’s complaints about pregnancy or kids. It takes a strong woman to admit her faults, and you are definitely strong!

    Here’s hoping pregnancy gets easier for you soon!!

  2. Kimberly said

    If your most recent blog was partly for me, I am sorry that my comments may have come out wrong. I was only pregnant a short while, but I know it was difficult and I was not 100% happy 24 hours a day, because I was emotional and sick. I was referring to the comment you left about what other people were saying to you. What I was really trying to say was, that others people’s negative comments about having chldren and doubting you as a mother were not worth you getting upset. They are not worth it. So again my comment was not directed at your pregnancy, but other people’s comments toward you. Sorry for the confusion. I truly do wish you and your family many blessings.

  3. Katie said

    It’s VERY easy to look at things differently when you’re on the other side of the fence. It’s easy to be envious when it’s what you want more than anything in life. But like Felicia said, you’re awesome for recognizing what’s been said or thought in the past and now seeing how it is to be on the other side of the fence. Pregnancy isn’t easy, even if you aren’t sick every day. It’s a lot of work, but you know as well as anyone else what a blessing it is in the end!

  4. Lisa said

    If both of you were 100% happy 100% of the time I would think you were NUTS (JK). Yes, the road you had to go down to get where you are now was long, hellish and sometimes seemed unbearble. That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be scared, sick, or just downright emotional now. It doesn’t mean you appreciate your tiny miracles any less. You are right up on the top of my “strong people I look upto list” You are truley amazing people. Through all the ups and downs from trying to concieve, to pregnancy ups and down, and the joys and fears of being parents, you two are already and will continue to be rockstars.

  5. Noell said

    I felt somewhat the same way after having 2 miscarriages when I got pregnant with my DD. I was super happy to finally have a pregnancy stick but at the same time I was so freaking sick, miserable & tired. It’s totally understandable that you aren’t going to be smiling 24/7 (and I definitely feel that way more so now that I’m a mom…it’s freaking hard work!). You’re being real about your experience like most other pregnant women would be. We know that you’re excited & grateful but that doesn’t mean that those feelings will always mask the physical/emotional roller coasters of pregnancy.

    I will warn you, however, that once you have those 2 little bundles you might forget how miserable you were and want 5 more…lol!

  6. Tara said

    Dude. Being pregnant sucks. Having kids is great, but that doesn’t change the fact that being pregnant sucks.

    and you’re allowed to feel and do and say whatever you want. I said so.

  7. Stacy said

    This is YOUR blog. You are posting how YOU feel. Your physical & emotional feelings are REAL. If anyone has a problem with it – screw ’em. IMO 🙂

  8. Steph said

    “Do I feel despair or sadness some days when I have to use all of my concentration not to throw up or feel sorry for myself that I’m feeling so crummy? Yep.”

    Shit hon – I feel like that most days…and I’m not even pregnant 🙂
    Life is like a rollercoaster baby, just that some of us some of us dig it and in the end realize that it’s gonna keep on rolling, whether we’re up for it or not 🙂

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