The aftermath

September 5, 2008

Last night was rough.

Due to these crazy hormones, I was crazy emotional all night last night thinking about what “may have been”.  I know this isn’t healthy to do, but I seriously could not help it.  Jeff was thinking the same thing, and he is just so thankful that I’m okay, and he’s just sure that the babies (since he thinks there are two in there) are okay, too.

Another “symptom” of pregnancy is really, really vivid dreams. 

I had probably one of the worst nightmares I’ve ever had last night.  It was right up there with the nightmares I’ve had about my family dying in a house fire, or Jeff leaving me a widow by some sort of freak accident.  I dreamt that we were sandwiched in between the van and the tanker truck, and both Gina and I were dying.  She handed me her phone to call Jeff to tell him that I loved him one last time before I died.  We were both crying, and he told me that he couldn’t live without me and the baby, and then I heard something, and it was Gina taking her last breath.  The dream was so real that when I woke up, I was actually surprised to be lying in bed next to Jeff (and Rex). 

I was so paralyzed by fear from this nightmare that I couldn’t even drive myself to work today, Jeff had to drive me.  I guess it actually works out since we have our ultrasound at 3, but I was a nervous, anxious wreck the entire ride into work (even though Jeff was driving).  I got a little better once I got to work, but now I have this other completely irrational fear that we aren’t going to see anything today at the ultrasound.  I know that newly pregnant women probably all struggle with feeling this way, but I know that for women who have gone through months and years of infertility struggle with feeling this way even more.  I also know that if we don’t see anything today (or ever) that it is highly unlikely that the accident caused any of it, but I know I would only be able to see it that way for a while.

I’m going to sign off for now…I really need to focus my energy on positive thinking, and not thinking the worse, like I have always done in the past.  We’ll post later tonight with the results of our appointment today, and as always, prayers and good thoughts are much appreciated from all of our friends.

Kerry

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15 Responses to “The aftermath”

  1. Larissa said

    Big, big hugs Kerry

  2. Lanie & Shane said

    Big hugs, gobbs of love, tons of prayers, and a certainty that you are ALL good comin’ at you, buddy!!!

  3. Ann said

    Kerry, I’m so, so sorry! You and the baby(ies) are going to be fine! I just know it! Can’t wait for your update later on!

  4. Keri said

    Oh Kerry, I just want to reach thru this damn computer and give you a huge hug… Your family is in my prayers, and we are all thinking of you….

    Keri (todds_wife)

  5. Deanne said

    I feel awful for you Kerry. What an awful dream. Just the fact you went to work is awesome in my book, I think I’d be a weak suck and stay home with the covers over my head.
    Good thoughts and prayers coming your way for a wonderful outcome today!

  6. Sam (& Val) said

    *big hugs* I’m so glad you weren’t hurt last night. Have fun this afternoon, because I just know everything will be fine. 🙂

  7. Porche said

    Lots of juju for your ultrasound today. Big hugs!

  8. Marci said

    Sending lots of hugs your way!

  9. Dawn said

    Big hugs to you Keri! I think you’re super-brave just for getting in a car! I’ll be thinking all my happy thoughts for you at 3!

  10. Kiane said

    Sending lots of hugs, prayers and good thoughts your way! I’m so glad you are okay and I’m sure everything will be just fine with the baby(ies) – they are so well protected right now at this stage. I will be watching for an update this afternoon 🙂

  11. Penny said

    Good luck this afternoon! Lots of juju, prayers and hugs coming your way. Car accidents are hard to get over. It does get easier with time and I’m sure as you find out how the baby(ies) are you’ll feel a lot better.

  12. jacqueblittle said

    So glad you are okay. I can only imagine how horrible yesterday was. But thank goodness you are safe, and I am sure your baby (ies) are safe too. Looking forward to hearing about the U/S, maybe they will give you some pics and maybe just maybe you could share them with all of us, so keeping my fingers crossed. Hang in there. Jacque

  13. Erica said

    Lots of good thoughts and prayers coming your way! I am so sorry that you had such a horrible dream.

  14. Noell said

    Oh Kerry that dream sounds horrible! I’m so glad that you’re okay! I’m having great feeling about your u/s today! Send you lots and lots of prayers/thoughts/juju!

  15. Rachel said

    Pregnancy dreams are the worst…so vivid and crazy! Just know that there are so many prayers coming from all of us!!!

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