“I want to do fertility treatments…”

June 29, 2008

Oh goodness.  Last night was…errr…interesting.

Last night was my friend, Liz’s, bachelorette party.  I was having perpetual anxiety attacks all day long because I really, really don’t like male strippers, and I knew part of the night was going to be at a strip club.  After getting up at 4:30 in the morning yesterday (I set my alarm for 4:45, but woke up on my own at 4:30 to take my friend, Tara, to the airport), I slept pretty much all afternoon.  I don’t know if I was just catching up on some ZZZZZ’s, or I was just putting off the inevitable – that I was going to have to go to the party whether I wanted to see skeevy guys take off their clothes, or not.

When I got to the hotel room where we all met up, I was bombarded with questions about what happened with our last IUI.  At Liz’s bridal shower last month, I was in the middle of our 4th IUI cycle, therefore I wasn’t drinking at all (which as you all know, is a little weird for me – ha).  When I walked into the hotel room, I immediately went for the booze, as I knew it was going to be a looooooong night.  That’s when the questions came.  I didn’t mind at all, but I wish I could have just said, “why don’t y’all just read my blog,” so I didn’t have to repeat what happened (or didn’t happen) for like, the twenty-fifth time.  As I was telling everyone about our decision to do IVF, one of the bride’s friends asked me about the probability of multiples, and then said to me, “I want to do fertility treatments so that I can have twins!”  Ummm, WTF?

Nobody should ever want to do fertility treatments.  Ever.  When she said that, I could barely speak, let alone come up with something clever (or catty) for a response.  First of all, it’s not like your chances for multiples is 100% if you do fertility treatments.  I know with IVF it’s around 30% (if you transfer more than one embryo), and (correct me if I’m wrong, but) I think with IUI, it’s around 15-20%.  Not 100%.  I just wanted to ask her if it would be worth it to her to do the injections and have her ass bruise like she’s been beaten with a 2-by-4.  Would it be worth it to go through all of the mood swings that the Clomid makes you go through – not to mention the hot flashes, weight gain, and emotional distress?  Would it be worth it when you go through all of that, and then it doesn’t work?  Would it be worth feeling like a failure, and feeling like your body has let you down once again?  Would it be worth seeing your significant other fall to pieces because he had so much hope for this to work?  I know that she probably didn’t think that what she said was hurtful, but it kind of was.  I wouldn’t wish infertility on my worst enemy, and I certainly wouldn’t wish it on someone just because they wanted twins.  Again, WTF?

Anyway, the questions came and went, and I answered every one of them from “how much is this going to cost you?” (a lot) to “are you scared it won’t work?” (you bet we are).  Then we headed to the nudie bar.  Ew.  Ew, ew, ewwwwwww.  So dirty.  Again, I immediately made my way to the bar to order a Stoli Red Bull, and $11.25 later my 10-ounce cocktail was in my hands.  Yes, I’m serious.  $11.25.  I stood behind all of the girls (and Liz) who were sitting around the male stripper’s stage.  I looked a little bit, but mostly just to make the guys (who weren’t much to look at, in my opinion) feel like I wasn’t completely ignoring them.  I didn’t want to bruise their already enormous, over-sized egos.  LOL. 

I was really surprised that you can smoke inside the strip club, but I guess that’s because they sell cigars, so technically they can be considered a “cigar bar”, and therefore exempt from the state-wide smoking ban in bars/restaurants.  I have my hair pulled back right now because it still reeks like a big old ashtray, and I swear that my throat hurts because of being trapped in that dirty place for two hours.  Did I say ewww?  It really makes me glad (and proud) that Jeff and I quit smoking a few years back – I just cannot imagine still smoking…even if it was really only when we were drinking.  Yuck. 

Kerry

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2 Responses to ““I want to do fertility treatments…””

  1. Tara said

    Ew. Ew. Ew. I should have put you in my suitcase and brought you with me. The ride would have sucked, but at least the drinks are cheaper. 🙂

  2. maydaygirl said

    Oy… about the friend. People just don’t know what they say can be hurtful.

    and EW to the strip club. I wouldn’t be caught DEAD in one… well I suppose if I was dead, I couldn’t really control where my dead self got put.

    Anyways I did a wedding once where the whole bridal party went to a stripclub(I’m a videographer). For a second I thought “Oh crap what am I doing to do? I can’t go!” Then I remembered they wouldn’t let me film in there even if I HAD considered going…. thankfully I hadn’t!

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